Who Sank Universal Studio's Battleship?

Battleship is out in theatres this weekend. It's an actual honest to goodness big budget movie based upon the old Hasbro children’s game. The one where you call out points on  a grid and mark your hits and misses with red and white pegs. Someone -- well actually several people -- over at Universal Studios thought this was somehow a good enough idea for a $200 million budgeted film. Seriously.

Then they realized it wasn’t a very good idea at all. In fact, it was actually a really bad one. So they decided to make the film the naval equivalent of Transformers by making it about humans and their battleships against giant alien seafaring Transformers -- er, Battleships. Seriously.

Then they decided to follow the Michael Bay Transformers model of filmmaking by casting a hot but talentless swimsuit model instead of an actual competent actress as the female lead so they can show offer her cleavage, butt and legs while she thinks she’s showing off her acting chops. Plus some other male actors. And Rihanna. Seriously.

Then they decided they’d better put in some real actors and somehow got the great Alexander Skarsgard and the even greater LIAM freakin’ NEESON into the movie. Seriously.

Then they realized that with their inevitable horrid reviews (36% on Rotten Tomatoes as of this writing) and the North American opening still close to The Avengers that they would be crushed at the box office so they opened around the rest of the world first and amazingly managed to make $220 million worldwide and recover the movie’s budget so every  penny made stateside is now pure profit. Seriously.

Well the movie opened this past Thursday at midnight and earned a paltry $420,000 in North America which doesn’t bode well at all for its future as The Avengers is going to end up the number one North American movie for the third week in a row and looks to make a record $55 million in its third weekend, which would be yet another record-setter for the unstoppable superheroes. Both of these movies cost upwards of $200 million. The Avengers has already made a billion worldwide. Battleship will be lucky to pull in whatever profit it can this weekend and will sink right after.

Who sank your Battleship, Universal? Marvel’s The Avengers did.At lesat you have company in with Dark Shadows and The Dictator going down with you to the bottom of the box office ocean.

Oh Boy, Did They Ever Assemble...

May 7, 2012

In case you hadn’t heard yet on the news, Avengers made an astonishing $200 million estimated opening weekend, and when the final accurate numbers are released, it’s going to be higher than that. Much higher. The scary thing is that for all the presumptions that the John Carter debacle had literally lost Disney all the profit from The Avengers, the fact is that The Avengers will indeed blow away that $150 million writeoff loss because every single penny the movie makes from this day forward is pure profit as the $200 million budget has already been made. 

This weekend’s record, BTW, also leaves The Dark Knight, Harry Potter 7 Part 2, The Hunger Games and that Twilight piece of crap’s opening weekends in the dust. It also set the record for highest Saturday ever of $70 million in a single day and fastest ever to $200 million. It may also become the fastest to $1 billion depending on what the dropoff is like. 

I’ve gotta be honest, when I went to see it with the little nieces and nephews, we saw a 3:50 2D showing and the theatre was half full which shocked me. This led me to believe that Avengers would not be as big as I initially believed it would. However, we exited the show as the 7PM showings started and I noticed long lineups to get in. Now as for the film itself:

Avengers Re-Assembling...?

May 8, 2012

There is now talk that The Avengers is going to do another record by hauling in $100+ million in its second week of playing in theatres, which would be another new box-office record! Apparently, there were a LOT of people who couldn't make it into the showings this weekend. IMAX is reporting they literally didn't have enough seating capacity to meet demand on opening weekend just past. I can also personally vouch for this, as I spoke to people at my gym who told me that they literally could not get in to see it at more than one theatre during multiple tries over the weekend including trying for both matinees and weekends.

I'm thinking now my half-empty theatre in Montreal was a fluke because the French translation may have pulled in people away from English theaters as well.

The End of 35 mm Films, Bad 3D and 24 Frames Per Second

April 25, 2012

Some really interesting news coming out of the cinema world:

·         20^th Century Fox formally announced at CinemaCon it will only distribute digitally from this point forward around the entire world. No more 35 mm prints from the studio ever. The other major US studios will likely soon follow suit
·         Peter Jackson officially unveiled 48 FPS film with unfinished clips from The Hobbit and universal reaction is that it is the cinematic equivalent of what you see on HDTVs playing at Best Buy: it makes movies no longer look like “film” but like a live HDTV sports broadcast. i.e. it looks better on the screen than it actually does live with crystal clear clarity and super saturated color to the point of actually being disturbing. There have been some reactions saying that it completely breaks the illusion standard 24 FPS film provides but you have to remember that it will take filmmakers a while to adjust sets, props, makeup, etc. to compensate for this. I fully expect this to become the new standard for filming
·         Jackson also unveiled a 3D test using 48 FPS film and the difference is reported to be astonishing, completely resolving every complaint about current 3D film whether it is upconverted or natively filmed

The future is here, cinemagoers. Film has finally bit the big one.

John Carter's Latest Victim -- Are The Avengers Next on His Hit List?

April 20, 2012

I wasn’t actually expecting this but after Disney’s chief marketing officer MT Carney was let go for the John Carter disaster, the sword next fell on the head of Disney Chairman Rich Ross today. Disney is now acknowledging that the film will end up being a $200 MILLION writeoff, far worse than the $100-150 million writeoff that was initially projected. All this despite the fact that it made $100+ million overseas and $68 million so far in the US.

Now comes The Avengers. Although “only” budgeted at $170, word is leaking out now that the real budget was anywhere from $220 to $260 million. Unlike Carter, however, there is no chance it won’t recoup that with a $160 million opening tracking that is likely to outdo the record just set by The Hunger Games. However, it’s going to have to do Avatar/The Dark Knight level money to undo the JC damage – and there is talk now that it may very well do just that.

The Next Avengers Villain

April 19, 2012

The next Avengers film villain has been revealed and it is exactly one of the only three possibilities it could have been: Thanos, the Mad Eternal and worshipper of Death.  The only other possibilities that were grandiose and powerful enough to translate to film were Korvac and Kang the Conqueror. I personally think they should’ve gone with Kang before Thanos but it’ll all be awesome regardless.

Cabin In The Woods and Anti-Spoilers Resulting In Spoilers?

April 13, 2012

Hmmmm….

Just as like when the Sixth Sense came out, there are so many gleeful reviews of Cabin in the Woods gleefully begging you not to ruin the surprise for yourself and proudly proclaiming themselves to be spoiler free that they set the wheels turning and I have finally figured out what the twist in the movie is.

Don’t worry, not spoiling anything here. It’s just funny that this is happening again. The Sixth Sense reviews all made reference to the awesome twist at the end and one that specifically referenced Bruce Willis’ “somnambulistic” -- and that’s an exact quote still burned into my mind because it allowed me to figure it out – performance enabled to figure out he was a ghost himself without having seen the movie. I told this to my then roommate who went and saw it with his girlfriend and he realized just before the reveal that I was right. As a result, he was the only person in the audience not to gasp out loud.

This said, I now realize that any true Whedonite who thinks long and hard about this and all the genre work Joss Whedon has done will be able to figure this sucker out. We’ll see if I’m right later tonight.

Bet John Carter Wishes He Was On THIS Team...

April 12, 2012

This team of course being… The Avengers! Remember those tracking reports I told you showed that John Carter would bomb because no women wanted to see it at all and males were pissed off at the dropping of the “Of Mars” from the film’s title?

In complete contrast, The Avengers is tracking extremely well among women, proving that Marvel was smart to include the character of The Black Widow in the film series even though she is not part of the original Avengers. The Avengers is looking to make a $125 million weekend debut. At least. In reality, it’s looking to do a LOT more than that and could possibly even beat The Hunger Games’ insane $155 million weekend. The question is… can it beat record holder The Dark Knight’s $158 million opening weekend? Or will that honor go to the sequel to that film, The Dark Knight Rises?

Poor John Carter has scarcely scrounged up $66 million in North America and $100 million worldwide, which subtracted from its bloated $250 million plus all the marketing expenses still leaves Disney in the hole for over $100 million. While I previously thought the losses would eat away at the profits of The Avengers, it turns out now that The Avengers will more than make up for John Carter bombing.

Maybe John Carter should try astral projecting into Asgard instead of Barsoom. Then he’d have a hit. Maybe.

The Raid: Redemption

March 13, 2012

You know, of course, that we have to see The Raid: Redemption. Right? An Irish directed and written Indoensian martial arts action flick? I’m so there.

John Carter and Icewine: What do They Have in Common?

March 9, 2012

Just as I singlehandedly support the Canadian icewine industry, so too will JC have to singlehandedly support Disney’s live action division. John Carter did the traditional blockbuster midnight showings and scored less than $500,000 in ticket sales. A $250 million budgeted movie made less than half a million on its first nightly showing.

By comparison, Thor did $3.5 million, Captain America: The First Avenger did $4 million and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 did an incredible $32 million.

I think this film will be the kiss of death for several careers, including Andrew Stanton’s and Taylor Kitsch’s. We already know the Disney marketing people are toast.

The Lone Ranger.... and Tonto?!?

March 8, 2012

What do you guys make of this: Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp as the Lone Ranger and Tonto:

No, this is no joke. Disney is doing this and Gore Verbinski is directing. It’s actually cool they’re redoing The Lone Ranger – but despite being part Cherokee, Depp really doesn’t look Native American even though his costume is great. If anything, I take more issue with Hammer’s costume being a simple suit with a sheriff’s badge and lacking the traditional blue/red classic motif of the Ranger.

Trailer Divulges Ending? No Problem Says Research

March 5, 2012

So I did have a look at the CBC movie trailer article and here’s the interesting thing about it: the truth is that both giving away the plot points and not giving them away in the trailer work equally well. The key is not to give away CRUCIAL plot points.

Whether people want to admit it or not, spoilers do not stop people from seeing movies and in fact encourage them to see it. It doesn’t matter if they got the spoilers from reading the book, seeing the first filmed adaptation, the movie trailer, discussing it with people or reading a summary online.  It has actually been proven that online piracy of films actually makes people pay to see them again in theatres and I would think seeing the entire movie itself is one pretty damn  big spoiler!

The argument is flawed in that it’s not giving away plot points in the trailer that is the issue. The issue is whether you’re going to give away CRUCIAL plot points or not. If you see a trailer with Sylvester Stallone kicking ass for The Expendables, it’s probably not a shock that he and the Expendables kill all the bad guys and win the day at the end. Nor is it surprising that Tom Hanks lives at the end of Castaway.  Hell, it’s not even a problem that you give away the fact that Tim Robbins really is a psycho terrorist in Arlington Road.

But it IS a problem if you give away the fact that Tim Robbins WINS at the end of Arlington Road; that she is really a he in The Crying Game; or that Bruce Willis is actually a ghost in The Sixth Sense. If you were to give those away, then nobody would bother to see those movies at all. Those are crucial plot points upon which their movies actually hinge and if you gave them away the show’s over.

Arlington Road is a very interesting example to pick for the article because the author completely missed his own point when choosing this movie. The trailer does give away the fact that Robbins is evil but it actually hides very important and crucial plot points.  In case you weren’t aware, the movie was a box office bomb as the audiences were revolted by the fact that evil Tim Robbins not only kills heroic Jeff Bridges, he successfully sets him up as the bad guy so he dies in disgrace AND keeps Bridges’ son whom he kidnapped earlier at the end of the movie. Had any or all of these been hinted at in the trailer, I guarantee the movie would’ve made even less money than it did. The studio couldn’t do that so they had to a standard good guy vs bad guy trailer but then this was a complete fraud perpetrated on the audience as to the movie they were promised by the trailer.  Once word spread about the movie, the box office tanked.

Movie marketing is tough. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But the same rule still applies: you can give away as many plot points as you want in the trailer as long as they are not the ones the movie actually hinges upon. Look at the Avengers and  the The Dark Knight Rises trailers. Though they appear to give most everything away, they are not giving away crucial plot points that matter so the audience knows what it is getting but is still prevented from being spoiled even when the public already suspects what they are.  We still don’t know exactly who or what is helping Loki conquer Earth and battle the Avengers (spoiler: The Avengers win!) and who is behind Bane and Catwoman’s efforts to destroy Gotham once and for all (spoiler: Batman wins!) So the audience will go to see them even though we already know the endings and most of the plot points.

So I agree with Zemeckis on this one: you do whatever you have to do to get people to see your movie even if it means giving plot points away. Just don’t give away the really important ones, the money shot plot points as they were.

84th Annual Oscars Notes

February 27, 2012

A relatively middle of the pack Oscars. Not the best show but certainly not the worst and just what was needed after the awful Franco/Hathaway job last year. Some thoughts and some useless info you need to know:

·         I almost puked seeing Justin Bieber in the opening film. And no, the joke about him attracting the young demographic did not justify it. It was as bad as CSI casting him as a serial killer
·         The only thing worse than that was seeing Oprah Winfrey given the Academy’s Humanitarian award. That was absolutely disgusting
·         Billy Crystal was insanely good and gracious as a host but awful as a monologuist. However, this was the fault of his writers. As Jason says, the guy sells everything like it’s genius and makes it look like its his own fault a written joke bombed instead of the real person who is responsible. True class. His written jokes were bombing badly but once he was improvising (“I’ve never had those feelings.”) he was great. The guy really should lay off of the Botox though.
·         I didn’t  realize it until this morning: while I recognized Catherine O’Hara in the “Wizard of Oz test audience” skit, I failed to connect that the entire skit was a Second City/SCTV reunion!
·         Jason and I loved the vignettes in which each nominee for every single category spoke about their film and their craft. All of these were directed, BTW, by Moneyball director Bennett Miller
·         By far, the best year I can recall in seemingly forever in terms of acceptance speeches filled with grace and heartfelt emotion. As Jason said, it was the non-actors who gave surprisingly excellent speeches but the actors were pretty good this year as well.
·         Not sure you guys were aware, but there was a double meaning to Jean Dujardin’s great joke at the opening of his acceptance speech (“I love your country!”) – he LOST Best Actor at the Cesars, France’s version of the Oscars
·         Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez should be shot dead and have their leathery hides hung on the rafters of the Oscar theatre for the entire world to see. And despite what Diaz thinks, the audience was not jeering because it wasn’t funny – they were jeering because it was pretentious and classless and arrogant
·         Sandra Bullock, Chris Rock and Emma Stone were awesome. I don’t think people quite realize that Stone was, believe it or not, a singing reality show contestant before she hit it big as an actress. Yep, she was one of the contestants for the New Patridge Family and won! The proposed new show, however, was never actually made
·         I was utterly shocked that Robert Downey Jr. was so off in his live comic timing. I think the guy benefits more from film editing and direction that people realize or will admit
·         So sad to see just TWO songs nominated for an Oscar. Remember the days when movie soundtracks actually sold entire albums and you could count on movie theme songs hitting the Top 10 on a regular basis?
·         The cost to make Best Picture nominee Hugo was $200 million plus. The cost to make Best Picture Winner The Artist was $30 million. Interestingly, both are doing badly at the box office! Hugo has made a mere $70 million at the box office and The Artist has only just broken even at costing and making $30 million. The Help is the most successful nominee at a cost of $25 million and making $167 million

2012's First Big 3-D Movie Is Here!!!

February 17, 2012

It’s here, the first big 3D movie to arrive in 2012 after Martin Scorsese proved that 3D is a viable live-action filmmaking tool and medium in the hands of the right filmmaker! And that 3D film is... Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance! With only a mere 10% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes!

Ah well, let’s face it, we all know 2D movies are infinitely better when it comes to concepts, action, plot and characters, like the one opening this weekend… This Means War! With only a mere 20% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes!

Oops. Ah yeah, I think I will be staying in this weekend and watching some Blu-Rays….

John Carter To Get Creamed by... The Hunger Games?!?

February 16, 2012

Yo Fellow Film Lovers,

Remember the whole debate of “Why did they remove the ‘Of Mars’ from John Carter” when we saw the trailer? That may well turn out to be the least of Disney’s problems on this gargantuan film.  I am coming across very interesting reports that John Carter is rapidly turning into an absolute marketing disaster for Disney. Tracking reports, if you care for such things, are apparently indicating that ZERO percent of the polled femalegoing movie audience wants to see this film. Literally zero. They’re all apparently holding out for The Hunger Games two weeks later.

Even worse, however, is that apparently the tracking shows that less than 50% of men want to see the film! :O The removal of the ‘Of Mars’ has apparently made those aware of the property very wary of what Disney has done with this as a whole. Further, very few people, if anyone not known to be a Serial Diner, are even aware that Andrew Stanton is directing this. Disney is also pretty much lying about the film’s budget, claiming it is a “standard” $100 million blockbuster when in fact it may have well cost $250 million+.

Adding insult to injury, more men as well as women want to see The Hunger Games, which has gotten a far better marketing job by much smaller and heavily embattled Lionsgate which was fending a hostile takeover bid while having to market their film!  For example, Taylor Swift’s soundtrack contribution is already out and climbing the music charts raising awareness even though the film doesn’t open until March 23^rd. Needless to say, awareness is much higher.

One report I read says Disney is so scared of how badly this will do that it is possible that the writeoff they will have to take if it bombs – and it is almost guaranteed now that it will -- will negate any and all domestic profits from the forthcoming The Avengers when you take in all the financial reports for the entire 2012 financial year into consideration.

The female marketing exec in charge of Disney while all this was going on was named M.T. Carney. She previously had ZERO experience in movie marketing and apparently less with genre because it was her idea to drop the “Of Mars” from the title.  Her former job was as head of marketing for Ogilvy’s. This is who they put in charge of getting John Carter out there to the public? Needless to say, Disney has let her go. Why you would hire a cosmetics marketer to steer a male-oriented action film in the first place is beyond me.

So if you sci-fi loving, 3D surround sound hating luddite movie fans want to see John Carter, I suggest we see it fairly soon after opening because it’s gonna be gone very quickly, I imagine.

The Avengers Super Bowl Trailer

January 6, 2012

Did you see the Avengers trailer that premiered at the Super Bowl? If not, see the online one which is even better in high definition and has extra footage of Loki conversing with Tony Stark and the Incredible Hulk in action! Unlike, Loki, the Skrulls/Chitauri, and the Red Skull, this movie is so gonna succeed in ruling the entire world!!!

Bond Title Confirmed

November 3, 2011

Confirmed this morning: Bond 23 will be titled Skyfall and Javier Bardem locked in as the villain, possibly as the rebooted Blofeld in charge of QUANTUM, not the outdated SMERSH. Budget will be $230 million, substantially more than the action-driven but light on story and character Quantum of Solace.