Arnold's Last Stand

I remember the first two Arnold Schwarzenegger films I ever saw in theatres: Total Recall and Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Previous to that, I'd only seen his films on home video. Both times were insane experiences. I had to endure two hour lineups in the days when there were still lineups to see movies. The theatres were packed both times and the lineup to see the next showing was even bigger than the one I was in. People were talking to complete strangers about their favorite Arnold films.

That's when I got how big of a movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger was. For over two decades, he was been the defacto iconic image as well as the living embodiment of an action film star. A literal part of pop film culture in his heyday. Everyone can name a famous Arnold film they really like. Predator. Commando. The Running Man. True Lies. The Terminator series.

Fast forward to the present. My friend Jason and I at his prodding went to see his alleged comeback film whose ironically metaphorical title could not have been more appropriate: The Last Stand. There was no lineup. The theatre was completely empty. If not for the three latecomers, Jason and I would've been the only two people watching the film. My but how far the mighty have fallen.

In the film, Arnold plays an aging sheriff who patrols the tiny Texas border town that is all that stands between justice and a clean getaway to Mexico for an infamous drug lord who is speeding towards the border in a souped up car.

The film actually wasn't that bad. It certainly wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. It was, however, one of the biggest mistakes ever committed to celluloid -- or rather, digital film. Every possible wrong decision that could be made for a film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger was made -- starting with the casting of Arnold himself.

Why? Because the main character of the film is a burned out former LA police drug task force officer who's seen too much and feels old and just wants some peace and quiet as the sheriff of a sleepy little town. That's Liam Neeson. That's Morgan Freeman. That's not Arnold "I'll be back" Schwarzenegger.

That's not a criticism of his acting skills, either. He actually did a very good acting job in the role. That's irrelevant. The audience that remembers him doesn't want to see him beaten down and worn out. They want to see him spout off one-liners while beating, shooting and blowing the shit out of bad guys, alien Predators and Terminator robots from the future.

What they didn't want to see Arnold literally proclaiming out loud "I'm old" as he does in this movie.  That reminds the audience that remembers Arnold in his heyday that they're old too. (Um, please forget the bit above I wrote about seeing two of his biggest films in theatres please.) That tells the Twilight-loving audience that couldn't give a damn who he is and what type of  film he is famous for that he is irrelevant to them.

Like I said, the film wasn't bad. It was extremely well-directed and co-stars Forest Whittaker -- a freakin' Best Actor Oscar winner! -- and  Jaime Alexander as well as Arnold himself gave far greater acting performances than the film actually deserved. I am actually a bit of a fan of Alexander's and am sorry this film won't do more to help her career. She really does deserve to be a lead actress.

In case it wasn't clear from the tone of this blog entry, the film was a huge box-office bomb. It cost $45 million to make, opened the second week of January and made just $6.7 million on its opening weekend. By the end of its second week, it had plummeted to 16th place and made just $11 million at the North American box office according to the Box Office Mojo website.

I don't think this movie failed because it was a bad movie. I don't even think it failed because it was an "Arnold movie." I believe it failed because it was an Arnold movie done in 2013 that should've been done in his heyday in the 80's. And if it had, it probably would've been one of his biggest films ever.

But this is a new era. An era where Twi-hards and geeks now make up the core filmgoing audience. Harry Potter, Edward and Bella and The Avengers rule now. RIP Mr. Schwarzenegger. Your time has passed now and you have truly made your last stand.

Who Sank Universal Studio's Battleship?

Battleship is out in theatres this weekend. It's an actual honest to goodness big budget movie based upon the old Hasbro children’s game. The one where you call out points on  a grid and mark your hits and misses with red and white pegs. Someone -- well actually several people -- over at Universal Studios thought this was somehow a good enough idea for a $200 million budgeted film. Seriously.

Then they realized it wasn’t a very good idea at all. In fact, it was actually a really bad one. So they decided to make the film the naval equivalent of Transformers by making it about humans and their battleships against giant alien seafaring Transformers -- er, Battleships. Seriously.

Then they decided to follow the Michael Bay Transformers model of filmmaking by casting a hot but talentless swimsuit model instead of an actual competent actress as the female lead so they can show offer her cleavage, butt and legs while she thinks she’s showing off her acting chops. Plus some other male actors. And Rihanna. Seriously.

Then they decided they’d better put in some real actors and somehow got the great Alexander Skarsgard and the even greater LIAM freakin’ NEESON into the movie. Seriously.

Then they realized that with their inevitable horrid reviews (36% on Rotten Tomatoes as of this writing) and the North American opening still close to The Avengers that they would be crushed at the box office so they opened around the rest of the world first and amazingly managed to make $220 million worldwide and recover the movie’s budget so every  penny made stateside is now pure profit. Seriously.

Well the movie opened this past Thursday at midnight and earned a paltry $420,000 in North America which doesn’t bode well at all for its future as The Avengers is going to end up the number one North American movie for the third week in a row and looks to make a record $55 million in its third weekend, which would be yet another record-setter for the unstoppable superheroes. Both of these movies cost upwards of $200 million. The Avengers has already made a billion worldwide. Battleship will be lucky to pull in whatever profit it can this weekend and will sink right after.

Who sank your Battleship, Universal? Marvel’s The Avengers did.At lesat you have company in with Dark Shadows and The Dictator going down with you to the bottom of the box office ocean.

The Rise and Fall of Grey's Anatomy -- A Season Eight Finale Post-Mortem

Well, the season eight finale of Grey’s Anatomy came and went exactly as I thought it would – Lexie Grey met her end in order to help pay for the renewed contracts of original series stars Patrick Dempsey, Ellen Pompeo, Chandra Wilson, Sandra Oh, James Picket Jr.,  and Justin Chambers. Thus, this once vibrant and iconic show is reduced to using the old “death of a main character” TV trope – again -- to gain publicity and ratings. My, how the mighty have fallen.

Once a must-see, talk about in the office the next morning type of show, Grey’s Anatomy has fallen from an astonishingly high 20 million+ viewers an episode in its initial seasons to an average of 11 million an episode. It also holds the distinction of being the single most DVR-ed American network show – which tellingly indicates it is no longer must-see TV for about half of its core audience anymore. So what brought this once-mighty TV titan down?

Castle: Always (S4.23) - Caskett Lives!

May 8, 2012

First off, interesting that the couple name actually has something to do with murder mysteries (Caskett = funeral casket). Just sayin’.

Second, that was half of a fantastic season finale. Oddly, just like The Avengers, the greatness from the characters interacting covered up a really thin plot but who really cares? It was great! So much to love in this finale:

·         “I’ve been waiting four years for you to see that I’m more than just a partner.” Swoon. Platonically, of course, ‘cause I’m a guy. A bro. A man’s man. Great speech.
·         The acting during the laying bare of the secrets. It could’ve easily been bombastic and over the top but instead it just all came out naturally
·         The kiss, of course, and the hand grabbing leading to the bedroom presumably
·         The split between Ryan and Esposito based solely on professional and completely valid differences of opinion and was totally believable; I liked that Ryan was the only voice of reason but the way he was acting made me wonder if his character had also been contacted like Castle and struck a deal to protect Kate
·         Gates justifiably giving Esposito and Beckett crap for withholding info and going off as rogue cowboys

Oh Boy, Did They Ever Assemble...

May 7, 2012

In case you hadn’t heard yet on the news, Avengers made an astonishing $200 million estimated opening weekend, and when the final accurate numbers are released, it’s going to be higher than that. Much higher. The scary thing is that for all the presumptions that the John Carter debacle had literally lost Disney all the profit from The Avengers, the fact is that The Avengers will indeed blow away that $150 million writeoff loss because every single penny the movie makes from this day forward is pure profit as the $200 million budget has already been made. 

This weekend’s record, BTW, also leaves The Dark Knight, Harry Potter 7 Part 2, The Hunger Games and that Twilight piece of crap’s opening weekends in the dust. It also set the record for highest Saturday ever of $70 million in a single day and fastest ever to $200 million. It may also become the fastest to $1 billion depending on what the dropoff is like. 

I’ve gotta be honest, when I went to see it with the little nieces and nephews, we saw a 3:50 2D showing and the theatre was half full which shocked me. This led me to believe that Avengers would not be as big as I initially believed it would. However, we exited the show as the 7PM showings started and I noticed long lineups to get in. Now as for the film itself:

Avengers Re-Assembling...?

May 8, 2012

There is now talk that The Avengers is going to do another record by hauling in $100+ million in its second week of playing in theatres, which would be another new box-office record! Apparently, there were a LOT of people who couldn't make it into the showings this weekend. IMAX is reporting they literally didn't have enough seating capacity to meet demand on opening weekend just past. I can also personally vouch for this, as I spoke to people at my gym who told me that they literally could not get in to see it at more than one theatre during multiple tries over the weekend including trying for both matinees and weekends.

I'm thinking now my half-empty theatre in Montreal was a fluke because the French translation may have pulled in people away from English theaters as well.

OMFG! AVENGERS CUPCAKES!!!

I. Must. Make. These!!!!!!!

http://www.superherohype.com/gallery/the-avengers/gallery1988/142925-gallery19881

The End of 35 mm Films, Bad 3D and 24 Frames Per Second

April 25, 2012

Some really interesting news coming out of the cinema world:

·         20^th Century Fox formally announced at CinemaCon it will only distribute digitally from this point forward around the entire world. No more 35 mm prints from the studio ever. The other major US studios will likely soon follow suit
·         Peter Jackson officially unveiled 48 FPS film with unfinished clips from The Hobbit and universal reaction is that it is the cinematic equivalent of what you see on HDTVs playing at Best Buy: it makes movies no longer look like “film” but like a live HDTV sports broadcast. i.e. it looks better on the screen than it actually does live with crystal clear clarity and super saturated color to the point of actually being disturbing. There have been some reactions saying that it completely breaks the illusion standard 24 FPS film provides but you have to remember that it will take filmmakers a while to adjust sets, props, makeup, etc. to compensate for this. I fully expect this to become the new standard for filming
·         Jackson also unveiled a 3D test using 48 FPS film and the difference is reported to be astonishing, completely resolving every complaint about current 3D film whether it is upconverted or natively filmed

The future is here, cinemagoers. Film has finally bit the big one.

John Carter's Latest Victim -- Are The Avengers Next on His Hit List?

April 20, 2012

I wasn’t actually expecting this but after Disney’s chief marketing officer MT Carney was let go for the John Carter disaster, the sword next fell on the head of Disney Chairman Rich Ross today. Disney is now acknowledging that the film will end up being a $200 MILLION writeoff, far worse than the $100-150 million writeoff that was initially projected. All this despite the fact that it made $100+ million overseas and $68 million so far in the US.

Now comes The Avengers. Although “only” budgeted at $170, word is leaking out now that the real budget was anywhere from $220 to $260 million. Unlike Carter, however, there is no chance it won’t recoup that with a $160 million opening tracking that is likely to outdo the record just set by The Hunger Games. However, it’s going to have to do Avatar/The Dark Knight level money to undo the JC damage – and there is talk now that it may very well do just that.

The Next Avengers Villain

April 19, 2012

The next Avengers film villain has been revealed and it is exactly one of the only three possibilities it could have been: Thanos, the Mad Eternal and worshipper of Death.  The only other possibilities that were grandiose and powerful enough to translate to film were Korvac and Kang the Conqueror. I personally think they should’ve gone with Kang before Thanos but it’ll all be awesome regardless.

Castle: Headhunters (S4.21)

April 17, 2012

Absolutely my favorite episode of the show so far. So well done on so many levels. Moved plot forward, moved characterization forward, a great new possibly recurring character and a decent and tragic mystery although the ending was a little too pat. Let’s look at all the great points:

·         Ethan Slaughter was a blast. Played perfectly by Adam, he was both a parody and an homage to all the stereotypical tough guy cops seen on TV and the movies and still managed to add something new. yet he had a great brain underneath. The practical jokes he pulled on Castle were great. When he coerces the confession out of the kid for all the wrong reasons, it added a very dark side to him like Vic from The Shield (another homage) and I was wondering if they would pull the trigger and make him a nemesis but I was actually glad he turned out to be a good cop in the end who does listen to reason and was in on the final interrogation. I really, really want to see him back on Castle.
·         Character wise, I love how he allows Castle to do everything Beckett won’t let him but then you slowly realize he’s actually just throwing Castle to the wolves and this is likely why his other three partners died.
·         The brown leather coat Castle offers Slaughter to allow him to ride along. They were both “Browncoats.” Not sure if that was intentional or not or how much of it flew over the heads of the audience. It was a lot more subtle that the episode where he tries on the Mal Reynolds Firefly costume for Halloween but just as funny if you picked it up.
·         Nathan’s physical comedy was great when he tried to stop the fleeing suspect in the bar while Slaughter looks on and snacks on popcorn. We know he can do fight choreography decently from watching Firefly and Serenity so it was fun to see him act out as the physical bumbler while still taking the suspect down
·         I love how Slaughter says all the obvious things that any other normal person would ask of Castle like “You’re tapping that, right?” when referring to Beckett. That would be what most people would normally think  as only on a TV show would people like these not end up together already
·         The bit where Slaughter asks Castle to testify on his behalf in front of the board in the car while using excessive force was both frightening and hilarious at the same time
·         And of course, love how Beckett conveniently had Castle’s back (and by proxy, Slaughter’s as well) for the investigation and comes in at the end but doesn’t steal the spotlight from Slaughter and Castle at the final interrogation

It’s very interesting that they’re doing all these “team-up” episodes with new characters who could actually be leads in other shows if done right. Basically, I loved the fact that they didn’t royally screw this up by making Slaughter a true baddie as they did with Sophia Turner. I still ache over the loss of her character, but both Slaughter and The Limey were handled very well. Both of these guys should come back.

Avengers Tracking Now Higher than The Hunger Games and ....

April 16, 2012

With a mere two weeks to go to premiere week, The Avengers tracking has picked up substantially higher than The Hunger Games and, believe it or not… The Dark Knight Rises.

Now, this will likely change when we get closer to the release date of The Dark Knight Rises. But right now, Avengers is now looking at a $150 – 160 plus opening weekend.

Cabin In The Woods and Anti-Spoilers Resulting In Spoilers?

April 13, 2012

Hmmmm….

Just as like when the Sixth Sense came out, there are so many gleeful reviews of Cabin in the Woods gleefully begging you not to ruin the surprise for yourself and proudly proclaiming themselves to be spoiler free that they set the wheels turning and I have finally figured out what the twist in the movie is.

Don’t worry, not spoiling anything here. It’s just funny that this is happening again. The Sixth Sense reviews all made reference to the awesome twist at the end and one that specifically referenced Bruce Willis’ “somnambulistic” -- and that’s an exact quote still burned into my mind because it allowed me to figure it out – performance enabled to figure out he was a ghost himself without having seen the movie. I told this to my then roommate who went and saw it with his girlfriend and he realized just before the reveal that I was right. As a result, he was the only person in the audience not to gasp out loud.

This said, I now realize that any true Whedonite who thinks long and hard about this and all the genre work Joss Whedon has done will be able to figure this sucker out. We’ll see if I’m right later tonight.

Bet John Carter Wishes He Was On THIS Team...

April 12, 2012

This team of course being… The Avengers! Remember those tracking reports I told you showed that John Carter would bomb because no women wanted to see it at all and males were pissed off at the dropping of the “Of Mars” from the film’s title?

In complete contrast, The Avengers is tracking extremely well among women, proving that Marvel was smart to include the character of The Black Widow in the film series even though she is not part of the original Avengers. The Avengers is looking to make a $125 million weekend debut. At least. In reality, it’s looking to do a LOT more than that and could possibly even beat The Hunger Games’ insane $155 million weekend. The question is… can it beat record holder The Dark Knight’s $158 million opening weekend? Or will that honor go to the sequel to that film, The Dark Knight Rises?

Poor John Carter has scarcely scrounged up $66 million in North America and $100 million worldwide, which subtracted from its bloated $250 million plus all the marketing expenses still leaves Disney in the hole for over $100 million. While I previously thought the losses would eat away at the profits of The Avengers, it turns out now that The Avengers will more than make up for John Carter bombing.

Maybe John Carter should try astral projecting into Asgard instead of Barsoom. Then he’d have a hit. Maybe.

Castle: The Limey (S4.20)

April 3, 2012

Great episode prepping for Sweeps in May and a cliffhanger to our “Will they or won’t they?” I liked our Limey detective as much as I liked Sophia and it was great that they did the same switcheroo this season. The mystery was interesting and not necessarily illogical like some of them. Of course, the big deal is the moving forward/backward of the status quo in the Castle/Beckett relationship. Again, the fact that much of this is plausible allows us to disbelieve the “They’re still not together?” routine.

The only small complaint I had was the implication that Castle was a womanizer by Laney. It has already been established that he has an active love life and 3 marriages, but by the same token he doesn’t sleep around and actually tries to make a go of relationships with the women he has had sex with. He’s not exactly a one-night stand type of guy despite his wealth and celebrity. Otherwise he’d be a crime solving basketball player, not a crime solving mystery author. So where the “He’s changed his womanizing ways” dialogue between Laney and Beckett was coming from is beyond me.

What I’m really enjoying about the last few episodes is that they also haven’t touched the mother’s murder conspiracy garbage as the dividing wedge between them. It’s actually based upon their feelings towards each other and the decisions they and they alone have made. God, I hope they wrap that silly storyline because it’s as annoying  as the whole X-File grand conspiracy was and will probably turn out just as lame.

Castle: A Dance With Death (S4.18), 47 Seconds (S4.19)

March 27, 2012

Nice of ABC to put on two new Castles in April outside of Sweeps. They were both very good episodes too as a whole, even if their individual parts were a little weak.

I liked last week’s mystery of the stripper who stole the dead woman’s identity not for any criminal intent, but simply to start her life over and live out her dream as a dancer. The fact that the real woman turned out to be both a crook and a murderer was a little too close to the new TV series Ringer but I could let that one go. I also appreciated the fact that the money/manager murderer killed her not so much to cover up his crime, but the fact that he was incensed that this woman was “insulting” the memory of his loved one. That was actually totally plausible and very true to how twisted a man’s thinking is sometimes.

The bits with Esposito and Ryan were also great, especially the part where after thinking his wedding ring is a woman repellant, Ryan puts a ring on Esposito and finds out it’s a chick MAGNET. It’s actually him that’s the problem! :D That was great and of course it was sweet that the real reasoning was that Ryan gives off the happily engaged to be married vibe which is why women stay away from him.

Last night’s episode with the riff on the Occupy movement was also really well done. The mystery was cool and they way they went about recreating everything in order to solve it was extremely well done and I liked how they tied it thematically to the characters, like a crime version of a Grey’s Anatomy (I really used to love that show…) episode.

There were a ton of great personal moments. The scene with Martha telling Castle to man up with Beckett but be prepared to move on if she’s a no-go was great. Alexis’ “breakup or Dancing With the Stars elimination” pancakes. Castle talking to Beckett about missed opportunities right before they’re interrupted. Castle listening on the other side of the glass without Beckett realizing it and the followup he has with Martha afterwards believing that Beckett must not have the same feelings for him.

I must admit, this was a pretty clever and completely plausible way of extending the “will they or won’t they” thread by setting up Castle’s willingness to “move on”. Preview for next episode looks to play up on this by giving Castle a new rival for Beckett’s affections.

The Raid: Redemption

March 13, 2012

You know, of course, that we have to see The Raid: Redemption. Right? An Irish directed and written Indoensian martial arts action flick? I’m so there.

John Carter and Icewine: What do They Have in Common?

March 9, 2012

Just as I singlehandedly support the Canadian icewine industry, so too will JC have to singlehandedly support Disney’s live action division. John Carter did the traditional blockbuster midnight showings and scored less than $500,000 in ticket sales. A $250 million budgeted movie made less than half a million on its first nightly showing.

By comparison, Thor did $3.5 million, Captain America: The First Avenger did $4 million and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 did an incredible $32 million.

I think this film will be the kiss of death for several careers, including Andrew Stanton’s and Taylor Kitsch’s. We already know the Disney marketing people are toast.

The Lone Ranger.... and Tonto?!?

March 8, 2012

What do you guys make of this: Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp as the Lone Ranger and Tonto:

No, this is no joke. Disney is doing this and Gore Verbinski is directing. It’s actually cool they’re redoing The Lone Ranger – but despite being part Cherokee, Depp really doesn’t look Native American even though his costume is great. If anything, I take more issue with Hammer’s costume being a simple suit with a sheriff’s badge and lacking the traditional blue/red classic motif of the Ranger.

Trailer Divulges Ending? No Problem Says Research

March 5, 2012

So I did have a look at the CBC movie trailer article and here’s the interesting thing about it: the truth is that both giving away the plot points and not giving them away in the trailer work equally well. The key is not to give away CRUCIAL plot points.

Whether people want to admit it or not, spoilers do not stop people from seeing movies and in fact encourage them to see it. It doesn’t matter if they got the spoilers from reading the book, seeing the first filmed adaptation, the movie trailer, discussing it with people or reading a summary online.  It has actually been proven that online piracy of films actually makes people pay to see them again in theatres and I would think seeing the entire movie itself is one pretty damn  big spoiler!

The argument is flawed in that it’s not giving away plot points in the trailer that is the issue. The issue is whether you’re going to give away CRUCIAL plot points or not. If you see a trailer with Sylvester Stallone kicking ass for The Expendables, it’s probably not a shock that he and the Expendables kill all the bad guys and win the day at the end. Nor is it surprising that Tom Hanks lives at the end of Castaway.  Hell, it’s not even a problem that you give away the fact that Tim Robbins really is a psycho terrorist in Arlington Road.

But it IS a problem if you give away the fact that Tim Robbins WINS at the end of Arlington Road; that she is really a he in The Crying Game; or that Bruce Willis is actually a ghost in The Sixth Sense. If you were to give those away, then nobody would bother to see those movies at all. Those are crucial plot points upon which their movies actually hinge and if you gave them away the show’s over.

Arlington Road is a very interesting example to pick for the article because the author completely missed his own point when choosing this movie. The trailer does give away the fact that Robbins is evil but it actually hides very important and crucial plot points.  In case you weren’t aware, the movie was a box office bomb as the audiences were revolted by the fact that evil Tim Robbins not only kills heroic Jeff Bridges, he successfully sets him up as the bad guy so he dies in disgrace AND keeps Bridges’ son whom he kidnapped earlier at the end of the movie. Had any or all of these been hinted at in the trailer, I guarantee the movie would’ve made even less money than it did. The studio couldn’t do that so they had to a standard good guy vs bad guy trailer but then this was a complete fraud perpetrated on the audience as to the movie they were promised by the trailer.  Once word spread about the movie, the box office tanked.

Movie marketing is tough. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But the same rule still applies: you can give away as many plot points as you want in the trailer as long as they are not the ones the movie actually hinges upon. Look at the Avengers and  the The Dark Knight Rises trailers. Though they appear to give most everything away, they are not giving away crucial plot points that matter so the audience knows what it is getting but is still prevented from being spoiled even when the public already suspects what they are.  We still don’t know exactly who or what is helping Loki conquer Earth and battle the Avengers (spoiler: The Avengers win!) and who is behind Bane and Catwoman’s efforts to destroy Gotham once and for all (spoiler: Batman wins!) So the audience will go to see them even though we already know the endings and most of the plot points.

So I agree with Zemeckis on this one: you do whatever you have to do to get people to see your movie even if it means giving plot points away. Just don’t give away the really important ones, the money shot plot points as they were.